Saturday, May 30, 2015

13


Imagine you're a woman and your new romantic partner says, "I love you," for the first time. How would you react? Would you be thrilled? Or might you be a little suspicious? A man's saying, "I love you," implies a desire to invest more than just the time it takes to implant sperm and suggests that he might even stick around to help raise the children. But talk is cheap, and because such verbal commitments can be broken, women are often suspicious of the intentions behind a man's profession of love.
Women and men have been shown to have different reactions the first time a new partner professes his or her love. The sex difference stems from whether these three words of loving assurance are said before or after the new couple has started having sex. Women are happier to hear "I love you" afterward, whereas men are happier to hear it before the couple becomes intimate.

Why? Perhaps men take a woman's loving words as a signal that he is better positioned to experience carnal lovemaking in the near future. But after the fact, hearing "I love you" from a woman might sound more like "Don't you dare leave me!" In fact, men of the noncommittal "unrestricted" variety (those gold Porsche drivers we met in the last chapter) are rather unhappy to hear "I love you" from a woman after sex has already occurred, perhaps because these fellows were hoping to reap the sexual benefit without having to pay a commitment cost.

Josh Ackerman, a professor at MIT who led the "I love you" study, explains that "saying 'I love you' is a negotiation process." When men and women negotiate a relationship, both are trying to avoid a different evolutionary mistake. For women, it would be a big mistake to impulsively trust a partner's declaration of "I love you" and gamble on a sexual relationship without the man's investment. For men, the big mistake would be failure to communicate commitment and potentially lose a sexual relationship.

In fact, the study found that men and women didn't just differ in their reactions to hearing "I love you"; they also differed in who said these words first in a relationship. When Ackerman and his team first surveyed people about their beliefs, most peole thought that women tend to be the first to say, "I love you." After all, women are supposed to be mushy romantic types who express their feelings. But in actual relationships, men were first to profess their love 70 percent of the time, saying, "I love you" forty-two days earlier in a relationship than women, on average!

An evolutionary perspective suggests that women are warranted in their wariness when a man claims to be falling in love so quickly. Better to wait and see if he produces other signs of continuing commitment, such as, perhaps, a diamond ring worth a few months' salary.

The Rational Animal: How Evolution Made Us Smarter Than We Think. Kenrick, Griskevicius, p. 165-167.
MOORE TOO CUM

That White Guy Is Looking At ME And Laughing At ME While I CRY And Masturbate!


Many women believe that a good romantic partner is someone who is reliable, dependable, and will make a good father. Yet many of these same women have their hearts broken after pursuing a man who is charismatic, sexy, adventurous, and hopelessly unreliable - think of the dapper Don Drapper on Mad Men or Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey. Whereas dating guides for men teach bachelors how to be the dangerous bad boy women can't resist, dating guides for women implore them to steer clear of commitment-phobic sexy cads and instead choose the reliable "Mr. Good Enough." How is it, then, that, despite continuous warnings and recurring heartbreak, some women keep going after the wrong guy?

Recall that women's shopping behavior and exotic dancing prowess is subconsciously influenced by their ovulatory cycles, which cause women to seek sexier clothing and act in more enticing ways. Ovulation is a hormonal trigger for women's mate-acquisition subself. And during the few days around ovulation when they are most fertile, women subconsciously become more attracted to the George Clooneys and James Bonds of the world - men who are charming, physically attractive, masculine, and adventurous.

Even though such men are obvious playboys, some women convince themselves that these handsome Don Juans are just the kind of men they can tame and turn into good husbands. Some evolutionary psychologists have argued that natural selection engineered ovulating women to be drawn to these handsome specimens because symmetry, masculinity, and social dominance are biological markers of male genetic fitness. George Clooney's handsome, masculine appearance might be a signal that he is bearing genes that will make for healthier, stronger, and sexier offspring (kids who will grow up to play both good defense and good offense). But because other women are also likely to throw themselves at these strapping specimens, such men often have a problem with commitment, making them less-than-ideal relationship partners.

Because most women are more interested in long-term commitment than one-night stands, why would they ever think it wise to pursue a relationship with precisely the men who are most likely to cheat, lie, and then leave them for the next woman who comes along?

It turns out that ovulation warps women's perceptions of sexy bad boys. In one study, ovulating and nonovulating college-age women were introduced to two different men. The women got to know the guys over a videoconferencing system. One of the men (actually an actor) played a convincing role as a reliable "good dad" type: nice, caring, reasonably good-looking, and wanting nothing more than a committed relationship and a family. But despite these desirable characteristics, this nice fellow was also shy, boring, and unsure of himself. A second guy (also a trained actor) was more intriguing: he was a sexy bad boy, a gorgeous hunk with an athletic body and a magnetic charisma. This fellow knew how to take charge and show a woman a good time, but he also sent up all the clear red flags that he was unreliable and undependable.


Image result for females sexy son
After they interacted with both guys, the ovulating and nonovulating women rated each of the two bachelors. When they were evaluating the "good dad," ovulation had no effect. Women thought he seemed pretty sweet but was nothing special, regardless of where they were in their cycle. But when evaluating the sexy bad boy, ovulating women became delusional. Women under the influence of their own natural fertility hormones came to believe that the sexy cad would become a committed and stable relationship partner and that he would magically transform into a dream husband and father - the kind of magical transformation that happens at the climax of almost every women's romance novel. When their ovulatory hormones were flowing, women deluded themselves into believing that the James Bond type would not only change diapers, cook, and happily give the baby baths but even take on more than half of the parental care! When looking at the sexy bad boy through ovulation goggles, Mr. Wrong looked exactly like Mr. Right.

The research suggests that fertility hormones trigger women's sex detectors. Rather than being skeptical of a sexy bad boy's intentions, ovulating women are ready to go on the offensive - by unwittingly allowing themselves to believe that they can transform sexy cads into good husbands and dads. Because natural selection engineered women's minds to find ways to extract high-quality male genes, this ovulatory delusion may be the extra push some women need to participate in sexual encounters with men high in genetic quality. Occasionally, the right woman does successfully inspire one of these playboy types to settle down - even Brad Pitt was finally persuaded to become a devoted husband and father. Ovulation seems to delude women into thinking that they could be "the one."

The Rational Animal: How Evolution Made Us Smarter Than We Think. Kenrick, Griskevicius, p. 89-90.
 I SAW YOUR FACE IN A CROWDED PLACE!

In a study in my laboratory, participants viewed brief flashes of photographs of men and women and rated their attractiveness. In a later round they were asked to rate the same photos they had seen before, but this time with as much time as they wanted to examine the photos. The result? Briefly glimpsed people are more beautiful. In other words, if you catch a glimpse of someone rounding a corner or driving past quickly, your perceptual system will tell you they are more beautiful than you would otherwise judge them to be. Men show this misjudgement effect more strongly than women, presumably because men are more visual in assessing attraction. This "glimpse effect" accords with everyday experience, in which a man catches a brief glimpse of a woman and believes he has just missed a rare beauty; then, when he rushes around the corner, he discovers that he was mistaken. The effect is clear, but the reason behind it is not. Why should the visual system, given just a bit of fleeting information, always err on the side of believing that the woman is more beautiful? In the absence of clear data, why wouldn't your perceptual system simply strike for the middle and judge the woman to be average, or even below average?

The answer pivots on the demands of reproduction. If you believe a briefly glimpsed unattractive person is beautiful, it requires only a double take to correct the mistake - not much of a cost. On the other hand, if you mistake an attractive mate for an unattractive one, you can say sayonara to a potentially rosy genetic future. So it behooves a perceptual system to serve up the fish tale that a briefly glimpsed person is attractive. As with the other examples, all your conscious brain knows is that you just passed an incredible beauty driving the other way in traffic; you have no access to the neural machinery nor to the evolutionary pressures that manufactured the belief for you.

Incognitio: The Secret Lives of the Brain. Eagleman, p. 92-93     

Sep 26
Fuck love.


I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH A WOMAN! BUT, MEGAN, I KNOW WHY YOU'RE CONFLICTED! HERE IT IS. DURING ESTRUS (OVULATION) WHEN YOUR ESTROGEN LEVELS ARE HIGH YOU WANT THE BAD BOY BECAUSE HE'S A CAD WITH SEXY SON GENES (GENES THAT YOU AND OTHER FEMALES DESIRE BECAUSE THEY INCREASE YOUR REPRODUCTIVE SUCCESS). HOWEVER, WHEN YOU'RE NOT OVULATING YOU WANT THE BOYFRIEND BECAUSE HE HAS THE GOOD DAD GENES, WHICH MAKE HIM MORE RELIABLE, MORE EMOTIONALLY STABLE, AND A BETTER PROVIDER. SO, YOU, MEGAN, LIKE ALL OTHER FEMALES WANT TO GET THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS (THAT IS, IF YOU COULD (IF IT WERE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO BE PROMISCUOUS, SEXUALLY UNFAITHFUL, AND CONFUSE PATERNITY).)  YOU WANT TO BE IMPREGNATED BY THE CAD WHEN YOU'RE OVULATING SO THAT YOU GET HIS SEXY SON GENES (THE ATTRACTIVE, SYMMETRICAL, MASCULINE FACIAL AND BODILY FEATURES AND DARING, DOMINANT PERSONALITY TRAITS), BUT YOU WANT TO RETURN TO YOUR LONG-TERM MATE (YOUR BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND) WHEN YOU'RE NOT OVULATING SO THAT HE CAN PROVIDE A STABLE AND RESOURCE RICH ENVIRONMENT FOR YOU AND THE OFFSPRING YOU CONCEIVED WITH THE SEXY SON! THIS WHY YOU'RE AT ODDS WITH YOURSELF COME OVULATION TIME. YOUR CONSCIOUS, RATIONAL MIND PRIOR TO OVULATION IS SAYING "NO" TO THE SEXY SON, BUT YOUR UNCONSCIOUS, IRRATIONAL MIND IS SAYING "YES" TO HIM JUST LEADING UP TO AND ESPECIALLY DURING OVULATION. BUT DON'T FRET! YOU'RE NOT ALONE. ALL FEMALES, WHETHER PARTNERED OR NOT, GO THROUGH THIS MONTHLY BATTLE (THE BATTLE BETWEEN THE RATIONAL AND IRRATIONAL) EVERY MONTH AROUND ESTRUS (OVULATION) TIME!

  WOMEN WHEN OVULATING MAKE DIFFERENT MATING DECISIONS THAN THEY DO WHEN NOT OVULATING AND CHOSE CADs AS MATES DURING THIS MOST FERTILE STAGE OF THEIR MENSTRUAL CYCLE. THIS DECISION TO CHOOSE CADs IS TYPICALLY DETRIMENTAL TO THEIR DATING AND MARITAL LIFE AS WELL AS THEIR OVERALL LIFE AND SOCIETY AS A WHOLE, BUT FEMALES ARE NOT THINKING CLEARLY (RATIONALLY) AT THIS STAGE OF THEIR MENSTRUAL CYCLE SINCE THEY'RE OVULATING (IN HEAT) AND HENCE LOOKING FOR SEX WITH STUDS. SO THEY DON'T RECOGNIZE THE POTENTIAL HARM THEY MAY BE DOING TO THEMSELVES AND SOCIETY! LADIE'S READ BELOW, PARTICULARLY THE BLUE WRITING!

ALL OF THE GIRLS ARE COMING AROUND ME OR AT LEAST LOOKING AT ME (LOOKING AT ME AND LOOKING AT ME DIFFERENTLY BECAUSE I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT MY BROTHERS' HOSTILITY, VOLATILITY, AND VIOLENT NATURE AND HOW THEY'VE ATTRACTED A NUMBER OF GIRLS BECAUSE OF THEIR HOSTILITY, VOLATILITY, AND VIOLENT NATURE. SO, THIS DOMINANCE DISPLAYING SPARKS HORMONAL AND NEUROLOGICAL CHANGES IN THEM AND TRIGGERS PRIMITIVE EMOTIONS AMONG THEM (EMOTIONS THAT DROVE THEIR PRIMATE COUSINS, CHIMPANZEES IN PARTICULAR, AND HOMINID ANCESTORS (HOMO ERECTUS COMES TO MIND) TO BE ATTRACTED TO HOSTILE, VOLATILE, AND VIOLENT MALES). BUT GUESS WHAT, LADIES? I'M NOT THAT TYPE OF GUY. I'M NOT A HOSTILE, VOLATILE, DOMINANT GUY! NOR AM I A GUY THAT GOES TO JAIL! IN FACT, I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE LIKE THAT! I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE THAT COMMIT CRIMES, GO TO JAIL, AND ARE A BURDEN ON SOCIETY. I DON'T LIKE THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAITS OF THOSE TYPES OF MALES, AND I ESPECIALLY DON'T LIKE THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAITS OF FEMALES THAT FIND THOSE TYPES OF GUYS ATTRACTIVE (FEMALES WHO WOULD LIKE TO HAVE KIDS WITH THOSE GUYS). WHY? BECAUSE THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE (THOSE MALES AND FEMALES) AREN'T GOOD FOR THE EVOLUTION OF THE HUMAN SPECIES AND SOCIETY. THEIR GENES ARE NO GOOD FOR THE DIRECTION IN WHICH I WANT THE HUMAN SPECIES AND SOCIETY TO GO!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxpVwBzFAkw
8:03-8:52 And Ladies Pay Special Attention At The 8:18 Mark!

 8:18 Even Today, Many Women Seek Out Aggressive Men Whether Consciously Or Not As It Seems Like This Psychology Has Been Ground Into Women After Countless Years Of Our Species Evolution. That Means Criminals, Gangsters, And Mass Murders Are Always Going To Be More Attractive To Women Than Hard-Working, Honest Men. They Always Have Been, They Always Will Be. Think About How Many Women Throw Themselves At Drug Dealers Versus, For Example, Math Teachers.  

Take the young woman we are calling Susan, for example. She's about to dump her boyfriend. She doesn't know she's about to dump him - she hasn't been thinking at all about dumping him - but in just a few minutes, that's what she's going to do, conversationally at least. 

She's twenty-one and pretty, about five foot five, slim but not skinny. Her blonde hair reaches her shoulders. Susan has a friendly and an pen face. She's a little busty, but she's no glamor girl or pinup queen. She's the kind of young woman young men ask out on dates in the belief that she might actually say yes. Her boyfriend did just that, and they've been a serious couple for a while now. But he has a defect: he's not here.  

Susan has walked into a pleasant, comfortable-looking room in the building on the University of Minnesota campus. There's a desk in the room with a video monitor, points at the desk chair where Susan has now been seated. A researcher thanks her for agreeing to help with the project, an examination of male communication styles in the context of dating situations.
Susan has already been through phase one of this experiment. About two weeks ago, she heard these instructions:

You will be interacting with two different study participants who are twins. You will see the other participant separately on this television scree and will have the opportunity to communicate with each of them via a special camera system installed here on the wall. The other person has an identical setup in the room across from the living room. After you communicate briefly with a member of the first twin pair, you will communicate with a member of a different twin pair.

Today, she's communicating with the brothers of the young men she met via video two weeks ago - the other halves of the twin-brother pairs...
...
The first young man begins speaking. He's white and has short hair: good-looking but not swoon inducing. He seems shy and a bit awkward. He is, however, very sincere - just the sort of nice fellow a girl wants to take home to Mom and Dad.

 (THIS IS ME (THE SHY, AWKWARD WHITE BOY). MY NAME IS PETER.)

"I'm bad at talking about myself, and I'm even worse at talking to cameras," he says. "So, if this is all wrong, just tell me, and I'll start over, though I have no idea what else I'd say besides this, so I kind of hope it's OK."

 "Basically, I'm just a normal guy - or, at least, I think I'm a normal guy. Or, I'm normal enough, I guess. I deliver pizzas for this really popular place in Dinkytown [near the university] at night and am trying to finish up my English major. I've never been good at the dating thing; I'm really bad at being 'cool'..." He does have goals: "I think I'm a nice guy, too, and I'm looking for a nice woman. I guess, together, we'll be two nice people, or something like that. I'm not looking for a fling, or anything like that: I'd just like to meet someone I have some connection with, someone who's serious about making a life together. I'd like to get married and have a family."

 ...

Susan whizzes through his questions, giving one - or two -sentence answers, elaborating little. In answer to his questions about where she's gone for fun, she answers that she went away last weekend with her "boyfriend." They had a nice time. She politely but clinically answers his queries about how she might flirt. And then it's over.

Image result for females attracted to sexy sons
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/slightly-blighty/201508/the-sexy-sons-theory-what-women-are-attracted-in-men
https://rajpersaud.wordpress.com/2015/04/16/the-sexy-sons-hypothesis-why-women-get-better-sex-with-men-other-women-fancy-by-dr-raj-persaud/

After a short break, Susan sits down again to meet the brother in the other twin set. He, too, is good-looking and white, with short, dark hair. But, unlike the Steady Eddie Susan has just spoken to, he is glib, funny, and bordering on obnoxious.

 "Usually, I do studies where you have to figure out which button to push to get a food pellet, and, if you push the wrong button, you get an electric shock," he deadpans. "But this one is really good because I get to meet and talk with you." Rather than explain why she should want to date him, he says, "I'm going to tell you why you should not date me. Then, when I'm done, we can talk and really get to know each other better. You should not date me if you want a guy who will always be on time, or someone who always remembers every single special event, like two-month anniversaries. You shouldn't date me," he continues, going on to mention skiing down black-diamond runs and wee-hour pancake feasts, until he concludes, "and, most importantly,  you absolutely should not date me if you don't want to be swept off your feet and have a romance so intense that you'll question everything you ever knew and possibly begin writing with your left hand."

This routine might seem cringe including to you, but when the young man asks the scripted questions, Susan is eager to answer. She takes the questions about her own flirting techniques as invitations to display them, flashing what psychologist Paul Ekman called the "Duchenne smile" - a sign of unself-conscious pleasure that involves the muscles around the eyes as well as those around the lips. Susan giggles and laughs at his banter, though she's not supposed to say anything when he speaks. She flips her hair, cocks her head, plays with her earring, and leans forward in her chair - a tactic, explains social psychology and consumer-marketing researcher Kristina Durante, who's running this experiment, "to draw attention to her chest," even when he's talking and she knows he can't see her.

Then, when he asks her about any trips she has taken recently, she says she went away with a "friend." And, so, her boyfriend is unceremoniously dumped into the conversational ditch.

Don't judge Susan too harshly. To paraphrase Jessica Rabbit, Susan isn't bad: she's just organized that way. She isn't even fully aware she's flirting, or that she just erased her boyfriend from her life. Nor is she aware just how dramatically her behavior has changed between men.
...
As Durante explains, Eddie may be loyal, hardworking, and looking for commitment, but those are qualities that appeal to one's rational brain - that part of ourselves that calculates the benefits of delaying reward for long-term benefits. Such reckoning takes place in the cortex, the biggest part of our brain, but hormones have harnessed other parts of Susan's brain and amplified their voices. Today, she's all about the short term, and an awkward, English-majoring pizza delivery guy who wants to get married is not satisfying her immediate need.
"What estrogen is doing to her brain is letting it know that the problem right now is mating," Durante says. "And all the energy is directed right there. This is not conscious thought." The brain knows that, for the just-released egg, it's now or never. And the Cad's glib confidence - his talk of skiing black-diamond runs, his implied promise of romantic thrills - makes him appear fit, vigorous, and dominant while Eddie exudes uncertainty. The Cad also has the advantage of merely being present and available: Susan's boyfriend is out of sight, out of mind. 

The Cad may be a braggart, but he seems like a winner. And the hard truth for men is that no matter how nice a guy you are, at their most fertile moments females of all species appreciate winner types most. When Stanford scientists, led by Russ Fernald, looked at how female fish process social cues about the fitness of their mates, they discovered that when a gravid female (one heavy with eggs and ready to spawn; roughly the same as an ovulating woman) watched her preferred mate win a fight against another male, she showed increased activation of neurons in the MPOA. The ventromedial hypothalamus...a region that directly regulates female sexual behavior, was also activated. In short, when her favored mate won a fight, he instigated her reproductive and sexual attraction centers.

When her preferred mate lost a fight, however, her brain's anxiety-producing circuits clicked on, seeming to indicate she was experiencing stress. Put in human terms, she appeared to be worried that she'd picked a loser boyfriend to be the father of her babies.

 (I'm A LOSER Guys And My Name Is Peter!)

The Chemistry Between Between Us: Love, Sex, and the Science of Attraction. Young and Alexander, p. 34-37.

image

“But wait…don’t some women go for the Bad Boy? I’ve seen it happen!”

While studies show that most women find prestigious men more attractive than dominant men for both short-term affairs and long-term relationships, the research also suggests that, when given the choice, some types of women will still pick the dominant asshole over the upstanding prestigious man. Women with a “fast life” history (meaning they grew up in an insecure and unstable environment with little or no parental support), insecure attachment, and who hold hostile, sexist attitudes about their fellow females typically prefer a short-term mating strategy and engage in frequent, uncommitted sexual activity (Olderbak & Figueredo, 2010; Bohner et al, 2010; Kirkpatrick & Davis 1994). These sorts of women typically prefer the stereotypical dominant and aggressive “alpha” male to the more pro-social, prestigious male (Hall & Canterberry, 2011).
While it is possible to pick up some types of women by acting “alpha,” because of the kind of women this seduction method attracts, the flings you successfully land can become messier than you bargained for. It’s for this reason that men who go for the alpha male ideology often fall victim to a selection bias in regards to their perception of women: because the women who are attracted to them are less stable and more promiscuous, they come to believe that all women are “skanky” and “crazy.”
At the same time, when these men try their dominant pick-up techniques on more well-adjusted women, their hostility and narcissism creep the women out, and cause them to turn these guys down. This rejection makes these would-be “pick-up artists” more hostile to women, and they figure the problem is that they’re still too much of a “nice guy.” They then try to up their alpha quotient even further, which makes even more women turn away from them. And the cycle continues.
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/07/07/the-myth-of-the-alpha-male/

Retweeted
Apr 18
Diana S. Fleischman Retweeted dethe
You got us- evolutionary psychology is renowned for celebrating evolutionary dead ends- men who can't get laid
STOP!
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